It’s time again to give Uncle Sam his fair share of our hard earned deniros. The deadline is near! All the tax preparing companies are bombarding us with ads on TV and radio to make sure we get all the deductions we are entitled to. After all, why pay more than you have to? Plus they want to make money doing your tax returns. The bottom line is – well, the bottom line.
The girls and I got together at Bettie’s beach house on Captiva Island for a little soiree to discuss our tax deductions – and of course have fun, because what’s more fun than doing your taxes?
We decided we would each list all our deductions and figured if someone missed one – the others may have included it – thus saving us all money. With the money we saved each other, we could afford some really elegant wines – which we decided to buy in advance because we’re all visionaries. The wine we figured, also counted as a tax deduction since technically, we were talking business. We were also giving ourselves pedicures. This made sense; as long as we were wracking our brains we may as well be doing our toes.
“Whom do you suppose comes up with the names for these nail polishes?” Barb asked, as she dabbed at her little piggies. “What kind of job is that anyway– naming polishes?”
“A damn good one!” I said. “Imagine making 100k a year coming up with names like Micheltangelo, Berry Berry Broadway and Fuchsia Fatale?”
“Is that how much they make?” Marcelle asked, surprised.
“I’m guessing,” I said. “If they do make that much, I think it’s probably tied in with naming the lipsticks as well.”
“I wonder if something like that would be listed on Monster.com?” Marcelle asked.
“I think around tax time they should name polishes after tax related issues,” said my famous actress friend, Bettie Danes, as she swirled a 2010 Corton-Charlemgane in her Baccarat glass. “Like, Audacious Audit or Red Flag Red. Names to keep you on your toes.”
“While you’re doing your toes,” I added.
“How about Red Hot Receipts?” Marcelle added.
“So, who has a deduction they’d like to discuss with the group? I asked.
Barb’s hand shot up. “I bought a pair of Christian Louboutins and wore them while I was calling Comcast to set up Internet access at my office.”
“Aren’t they calling themselves Xfinity now in an effort to seem classier and more reliable?” I said.
“Same shit – different name. Try getting them on the phone. You’ll wait for infinity for Xfinity.” Bettie said with a snort.
“So you were actually wearing the Louboutins while you were talking to Comcast?” I asked. Barb nodded. I looked at the girls.
“How would you say the Louboutins were vital to your business?” I asked.
Barb answered without hesitation. “Wearing a pair of Louboutins makes one feel confident and in charge, creating a higher sense of self-esteem. Had I been wearing say, a pair of espadrilles from Payless, I may not have felt as alert and sophisticated and thus may have ordered extra high-speed Internet access when I only needed high speed, costing me unnecessary dollars. The Louboutins are a business tool.”
We all agreed this made sense. Marcelle had a question.
“So, following the aforementioned line of logic, could I correctly assume then, that while I was negotiating a consulting fee with a client, while wearing a pair of newly purchased Manolo Blahniks, then my Manolos would also be deductible?”
A chorus of “Absolutely!” filled the room.
“That makes SUCH sense!” Marcelle added. “Just like a better computer enhances your working capacity by giving you the resources and confidence you need to perform certain tasks– so does fabulous footwear. If you feel better, you make better decisions. Better decisions, better business.”
Perspective is everything.
And That’s the View from Deductible Deducing Broad.
Anna Collins is a writer, photographer and filmmaker.
