In honor of the upcoming Halloween holiday, I thought it suitable to give a blood curdling nod to the definitive magazine for the discerning vampire - Vampire Digest. Its founder and (still) Editor-in-Chief, Vlad the Impaler, has given me an exclusive interview and a peek into the upcoming Special Halloween Issue – sold after midnight starting October first.
In This Issue: (a few excerpts)
THE NECK & FANG CLUB hosts THE SoBe 2012 BLOOD FROM AROUND THE WORD FESTIVAL
The long awaited SoBe BFATWF is hosted again this year by Miami’s own Neck & Fang Club and sponsored by Vampire Digest. An upscale favorite with Miami vampires, the Neck & Fang keeps its location secret to mortals and an exclusive membership costs upwards of $25,000. But, as they say, it’s worth every drop. Blood from Europe, Asia and the Netherlands will be offered in this year’s festival, which promises to draw vampires from around the globe. Hector Gonzales, Blood Sommelier at the N&F says: “So far, the vials I’ve seen come in have been nothing short of magnificent! Rome, Paris, Copenhagen – it’s a plethora of red!” Prices for vials start at $500. A special raffle for a vial purported to come from the Comtesse du Barry, is said to be worth a whopping $750,000. But an average priced vial taken from rapper Jay-Z when he was passed out at a party is the festival favorite, infusing many vampires with the idea that they’ll have “game” if they drink it.
REAL ESTATE – GREAT NECK, NY, THE #1 NEW PLACE FOR VAMPIRES
A recent survey conducted by Vampire Digest found that Great Neck, NY, in accordance with its ironic name, is a superior area for upscale feeding. Great Neck’s median home price is $736,100 compared to the rest of the country, which is about $200,000. Great Neck public schools spend $15,544 per student as compared to the average school expenditure in the U.S. which is $5,691. As any vampire can deduce – biting a neck in Great Neck is – biting a great neck. Like the old vampire saying goes; “It’s just as easy to drink rich blood as it is to drink poor blood.”
THE VAMPIRE HOUSEWIVES OF BUDAPEST
The VCN (Vampire Cable Network) in an unprecedented foray into the world of reality shows, brings us The Vampire Housewives of Budapest. Vampire housewives in Budapest, run an inn called Hungry in Hungary. They are seen making goulash, boiling cabbage, and ripping out the throats of unsuspecting travelers while they sleep. A light-hearted and whimsical series not to be missed.
10 COFFIN MAKEOVERS TO DIE FOR!
Just because you’re dead doesn’t mean you need to look it. We could all use a breath of stale air and let’s face it – after 100 years – it’s time for some new digs. Explore the looks of mid-century modern, 60s kitsch, and 70s shag carpet coffins that are all the rage! Tips for polishing up those brass handles are also included.
HALLOWEEN – A FANGTASTIC NIGHT!
The night we not only blend in – but are admired! Feed well, fanged ferocious friends for this is the night we wait for all year. After the mortals get close enough to express how wonderful our costumes are – well, that’s pretty much the end of them. (Please use etiquette and throw any used bodies not “turned” into nearby dumpsters. Keep Miami beautiful.)
INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE – A ONE ON ONE WITH VLAD THE IMPALER
Granted a special mortal interview, lasting no more than 20 minutes (a mortal’s life force would prove too irresistible after that) I managed to get this vampiric icon to open up about his hugely successful magazine and his very private life. Vlad is a – excuse the pun –down to earth vampire. I interviewed him at his private residence on Fisher Island. He was dressed casually in a black John Varvatos v-neck sweater and black jeans. He bore a close resemblance to Al Lewis (Grandpa Munster). His hair was perfect. Here’s an excerpt:
AC: Vlad, what have you learned after over 200 plus years of walking the earth?
Vlad: Women are still impossible! After two centuries – I still don’t know what they want!
AC: Are you married?
Vlad: I was – 25 times. But right now I’m single and enjoying “me” time. Not looking to get involved. If it happens, it happens.
AC: Tell me a bit about Vampire Digest. What gave you the idea?
Vlad: I filled a void. The werewolves had Lupine Quarterly, the witches had Cauldron, we had nothing. So I got some seed money from my Dad and we started out as just a little pamphlet given out at feeding frenzies. We grew pretty fast after that and the rest is history.
AC: What do you do for relaxation when you’re not working?
Vlad: I really like to play tennis. Now that I live in Miami, playing at night is great. The weather is much cooler and everyone is so afraid of the sun these days, I fit right in. Isn’t that ironic? After hundreds of years, the sun is finally outré. Go figure.
AC: You must be very excited about the SoBe Blood Festival. This will be the third year the magazine is sponsoring it, right?
Vlad: Yes, and I’m giddy! The vampires in New York are always trying to beat me out of it – they say, New York is so much better, more culture blah, blah. Ha! Miami is so much better! All those hot, young bodies, ripe for the — sorry!
AC: No, no -I understand. Quite frankly I’ve always loved the lifestyle. What’s not to like? Sleep all day, up all night. Cool black clothes. It’s like you’re a musician. And eternal youth! I wish I had met you when I was 25.
Vlad: Well, we do have to suck the blood of humans rendering them lifeless. That might be a drawback.
AC: A small price to pay for a perennially tight derriere. Wish I could have been turned at 25. But back to the Blood fest. How many people are you expecting?
Vlad: Over 100,000. But they’ll fly in and out at different intervals. Some in planes, some as bats. (pause) You know, I’m getting a little peckish…hungry…
(I feel him looking in the direction of my carotid artery)
AC: OK! Well, it’s been great! Thank you so much and have a nice night.
Vlad: Thank you and... (bowing)… Gooood Eeeeeevening.
Happy Halloween everyone!
And that’s the Girlishly Goulish View from this Broad.
Anna Collins is a writer, photographer and Realtor. Her fine art photography greeting cards, including Halloween cards, can be seen on Etsy at The Quirky Card Shop.