While on a lunch break at school today I was joined at the community table by two Fashionistas. Ah, the fashion students – you can always spot them; perfectly coiffed, full makeup, trendy outfits, and sporting the latest accessories – from gigantic hair bows to metallic studded stilettos. All at 9 a.m.
The Fashionistas sat across from me and one of them, the one with long dark hair and Jackie-O sunglasses, placed on the table, what looked like an oddly shaped lipstick case, with the lipstick fully extended. But upon further examination (by staring at it), I noticed it wasn’t a lipstick at all, but a pink metal tip. The Fashionista then picked it up, put the tip in her mouth and began sucking on it. After a few seconds she exhaled - smoke? The tip I then further noticed, was attached to a transparent chamber that held a liquid. The chamber sat on a rectangular base that was accessorized with a hot pink rubber skin to match the tip. I was fascinated. The Fashionista again sucked on the tip with great relish, and again, exhaled ever-so-elegantly and satisfactorily. She clearly loved her gizmo.
“Was that smoke? What is that thing?” I asked her.
“Oh no! No smoke. It’s an e-Cigarette,” she said, smiling. She had an accent. I loved it; it was the frosting on the whole glamorous mise en scene.
“Where’s your accent from?” I asked.
“I am Rumanian,” She answered. I learned her name was Christiana. “Without the ‘h’,” she corrected. (Sorry, Cristiana.)
“I’ve seen e-cigarettes,” before I said, “But not like yours.” (In case you don’t know how an e-cigarette works, instead of being lit, an electronic cigarette is battery operated and vaporizes a solution of water, nicotine and flavoring.)
“This is a good one,” Cristiana said proudly, referring to her little pink pal.
“It looks fancy.” I said. “How much was it?”
“Expensive,” Cristiana told me, “About $280.” Whoa. That is steep for a fake cigarette.
I asked her what brand it was. (Certainly not one of those el cheapo kinds you see at the counter at gas stations when you go in to bitch because the pump didn’t print out your receipt.)
I found out it was called a Vapor Shark DNA. The name just floored me. Vapor Shark. Like they know you have an addiction and they are swimming in to get you. The DNA part seemed diabolical in some obscure way, too. Are they collecting your DNA? Will we find out we have clandestinely made nicotine addicted clones a few years from now that will perpetuate Vapor Shark’s sales quota? I googled Vapor Shark.
There it was. Cristiana’s model. A starter kit. And it was actually $289. Folks, this ain’t your grandma’s e-cigarette – this is high tech stuff. The thing has all kinds of electronic readouts and buttons on it. I had no idea what the first sentence of the description meant: The replaceable 18650 rDNA is finally here for all those who seek greater mAh’s in their high performance PV’s. Whaat?
First, “mAh”. I thought that might have meant people were going…Mmmm…ahhhh. (mAh) Nicotine! But surprise, I was wrong. So I went to VapeKingdom.com to get the truth. The mAh stands for milli Ampere hour or milli Amp hour. It’s the measure of a battery’s energy storage capacity; it’s how many puffs you can take before the battery dies. Incidentally, all this puffing? It’s called “vaping” (rhymes with gaping – as in gaping hole in your wallet after you buy all the stuff). And the DNA isn’t the DNA we all know and love that gets criminals caught on Forensic Files. I had to go to the Ultimate Vaping Glossary to find out. Really? Yes, there’s an ultimate vaping glossary. (http://www.bestclearomizer.com/ultimate-vaping-glossary/#top)
As follows:
DNA- The DNA is a small variable wattage board built for modders. The board can produce up to 12 watts and can be running in parallel to produce 24 watts.
So what the hell is a “modder”?
Mod- Short for modification. This originally referred to modifying a flashlight or a battery to be used in vaping, but is now commonly used to refer to any vaping device that is not a cig-a-like.
Cig-a-like?
Cig-A-Like- Any PV that has the similar appearance of a traditional cigarette.
PV?
Personal Vaporizer (Abbreviated as PV) – Another name for an Electronic Cigarette, usually in reference to the more untraditional style e-cigs.
And these PVs can be customized to fit your desired taste, nicotine level and “throat hit.” A throat hit is “The feeling an e-cigarette smoker experiences when the vapor hits their throat. Most desire it to feel like a cigarette with a full, yet smooth hit.” (They couldn’t just say “a hit” because the weed smokers already had that.)
As a former smoker myself, in my day, we didn’t have the luxury of vaping. You just had to butch up and quit! But Cristiana says she is weaning herself off real cigarettes – her half-a-pack-a-day addiction for many years.
“You can have different amount of nicotine in your vaporizer, depending on how much you need.” Cristiana explains.
Checkout the following Nicotine Level Chart (from vaporshark.com).
But it isn’t just nicotine. Vapor Shark has all kinds of fabulous flavors for your PV. Tropical flavors with kitschy names like Miami Vice, Nana Banana, and Pineapple Express. And for you sci-fi enthusiasts there’s Andromeda, Galactica, Starship 1 and Pluto. There’s even a category called “Obsession” with flavors like Fame, Fortune, Glory and Power. (Personally, I think the Obsession category should have also included flavors like OCD Orange, Paranoid Papaya, and Did I Lock the Front Door? Fruit Medley. But that’s just me.)
Seriously - real cigarette smoking was never this much fun! No hacking up pieces of lung, no more puffing behind buildings like a petty criminal or smoking in a bathroom and furtively waving away the smoke through an open window. No more shame in ruining your health with horrific cancerous cigarette smoke. Not with a PV! Now you can puff…er, vape with your head held high and you lips smugly pursed.
“I like to dress mine up, to match my mood and outfits,” Cristiana says. Indeed, your PV is your new BFF. Why not accessorize it with multi-colored mouthpieces, variable atomizer heads and various “shark” skins, and maybe even some PV bling. Like the real cigarette companies – these guys know how to market.
But wait there’s more! There’s also e-pipes that start at $125 and go up to $225. (http://epipemods.com/steam-pipes/shankless/artist-s-original.html) And e-pipes have “pipe sauce” with flavors like Shire Malt, Kentucky Bluegrass and Oak Barrel Cider. Shiver me e-timbers!
So whatever your pleasure – e-njoy yourself.
And That’s the View from this Broad.
Anna Collins is a writer, photographer and videographer.
