Everybody knows you can save 15 percent in 15 minutes on car insurance, but do you know what state the Grand Canyon is in? We all like to think we’re reasonably smart, savvy and sophisticated. And arguably, some of us are smarter than the average bear. But isn’t it always astonishing when you find out something you think you knew – isn’t what you thought it was? Or maybe you didn’t know it at all. And I’m not talking about complicated math problems (includes anything past 8th grade) or the finer points of tungsten arc welding. I’m just talking basic stuff here – like how many quarts in a gallon? How many pints in a quart? How many animals of each kind did Moses take on the ark? The answers: Arizona, 4, 2, and Moses didn’t take any animals, it was Noah. Those were easy, right?
How about this. We all know (let’s hope) that the president lives in the White House. But where does the vice president live? Ol’ Joey B has to live somewhere, right? So where do he and the Mrs. bed down? In an in-law apartment somewhere in the White House? A cute bungalow in the back? Or somewhere entirely different. Do you know? Many people don’t, but don’t you think we should? I mean after all, these are our elected officials and we’re paying a pretty penny to keep them comfy and eating fancy steak dinners. (The video here will clue you in on the VP’s digs.)
Moving on. How many stripes are on the American flag? What do they stand for? How many states make up the United States? You think I’m being facetious? Go ahead. Ask three people. I’ll bet you an order of those awesome chicken wings made with sweet onions and rosemary from Anthony’s Coal Fired Pizza, you’ll be lucky to get one person that gets it all right.
Okay, enough about politics – how about something many of us like to do- drink! Yay. But alcohol kills brain cells, right? Not really. According to many experts, adults who drink in moderation are not in danger of losing brain cells. Even heavy drinkers, whose damaged dendrites long for a vacation, are still not killing their brain cells, per se. Of course, heavy drinking causes impaired motor function (for car and person) and encourages us to make bad decisions like: “Hey, hi! It’s me! I know it’s 3 a.m. but I just wanted to call and tell you how much I love you and even though we haven’t seen each other in over ten years since I banged your wife – you’re still one of my best friends in the whole world man! ….Hello?” (So, even though maybe you haven’t – it can look like you’ve killed your brain cells.)
Here’s some stuff I’d like to know: Why do bananas rot the minute you get them home when they’re green as grasshoppers in the store? Why do we sometimes go back with our exes hoping they’ve changed when we know deep inside, they’re still the same raving douchebags? Why does that delicious coffee you buy at the coffee shop never taste as good when you make it at home? Why is good cheese so fucking expensive? How come you never see the people you see in Whole Foods in real life? When will we stop hearing about gluten and move on to another imaginary crisis? How has the human race survived so long before using hand sanitizer? How long before we find out hand sanitizer causes cancer? When will wearing stiletto heels in the middle of the day at a baseball game, finally go out of style? When will men start wearing stiletto heels so they can see how much goddamn fun it is to walk in those mothers? Why is it only crazy people seem to be attracted to you? And really, finally, how much wood WOULD a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck had one of those cool new chippers from Home Depot?
And that’s the View from this Knowing Broad.
Anna Collins is a writer, photographer and videographer.
