Julia Garner as Justine Gandy in a scene from "Weapons." (Photo courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures)
The summer trips are wrapping up. Kids across the country are getting ready to head back to class. And the winds of change are also hitting your local multiplex, where the movies are getting smaller, and in some cases shorter than the behemoths that raked in millions or struck out with audiences earlier in the season.
There are two new studio releases, one a buzzy horror film with the kind of stacked cast you expect to find in a prestige year-end contender, the other a good-natured attempt to resurrect that most underappreciated of comedy subgenres, the spoof, and introduce it to a new generation. But are these flicks with the firearm titles worth your while? Or are there no bullets left in their chamber? Let's find out.
“Weapons”: They sprint down the sparsely lit streets in the dead of night, arms outstretched, almost as if possessed. Seventeen students from Maybrook Elementary School get out of bed, all at the exact same time, walk out their front door and vanish without a trace. It's an intriguing hook, the kind of inciting incident that would prevent readers from putting down that paperback best-seller they may have picked up while shopping for groceries.
Josh Brolin as Archer Graff in a scene from "Weapons." (Photo courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures)
Two things confound detectives tasked with untangling the bizarre mass child disappearances at the center of writer-director Zach Cregger's genre-splicing sophomore feature: All of the students who went missing at exactly 2:17 a.m. belong to the same classroom in this fictional Pennsylvania neighborhood, and one lone student from this classroom showed up to school as if there was nothing wrong. Anguished loved ones direct their frustration and outrage toward the children's teacher, Justine Gandy (Julia Garner), with one of the impacted parents in particular, Archer Graff (Josh Brolin), demanding accountability and concrete answers from the waifish educator with the deer-in-the-headlights look.
Is your curiosity piqued so far? Mine certainly was. In order to further explore the crevices of this aggressively suburban setting, Cregger gives his screenplay a nonlinear structure, comprised of segments that each unfold from one character's point of view, all while dropping increasingly sinister hints. In its early scenes, “Weapons” unspools with fluid precision, its widescreen compositions sucking viewers into this enigma that threatens to tear families apart and ruin the lives of those left to pick up the pieces.
The question arises: Could this possibly be the character-driven spellbinder Cregger was born to make, the kind that captures the imaginations of crossover audiences and spawns a bevy of lesser imitators?
The short answer is no. The slightly longer answer is hell no.
Benedict Wong as Principal Andrew Marcus and Julia Garner as Justine Gandy in a scene from "Weapons." (Photo courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures)
Cregger's debut feature, “Barbarian,” adopted a similar unorthodox structure to depict a creepy Airbnb in Detroit where lodgers check in but don't check out. As in “Barbarian,” “Weapons” dangles a tantalizing mystery like a carrot for viewers, only to devolve into a mayhem-infested freak show. Cregger touts his high-toned narratives, appearing to fashion himself the next hot horror auteur, but beneath all the elaborate mood setting and meticulously framed imagery are secrets that are not only uninspired but also strain credulity and undermine committed performances from a sturdy cast. Rarely has a reviewer sat through a film that self-destructs as spectacularly as “Barbarian” does in its final 10 minutes. It's a deplorable calling card film.
As for “Weapons,” it becomes increasingly fractured as it keeps shifting perspectives. You feel Cregger's attention to his characters and their emotional journey dissipate as he inches closer to the source of these pied-piper disappearances, the better to build anticipation for his big surprises and set up his gallery of grotesqueries. There is nothing wrong with horror filmmakers filling the screen with viscera and sights meant to shock and unsettle. Yet what's so patently dishonest is the way Cregger conceals his cheap thrills within the trappings of a mystery that pretends to care for its characters, then lines them up as sacrificial lambs to feed the gaping maw of his bloodlust.
It's the same distancing quality that turned me off about filmmaker Ari Aster's early work, but while Cregger elicits solid performances from his cast, he lacks the “Hereditary” and “Midsommar” director's intellectual rigor, thematic curiosity and formal chops, and is thus unable to make the leap from one genre to a less reputable one without sacrificing the nuance his actors bring to the table. It's safe to say the film's transition from an atmospheric missing kids thriller to something not far removed from a Grimm fairy tale is far from seamless.
But don't fault the stars. Garner, Brolin and a third cast member whose mention would be a spoiler give it their all. Alden Ehrenreich and Benedict Wong also make a strong impression as Justine's pornstached cop ex and beleaguered school principal, respectively. Alas, their arcs bend toward fodder for impressionable gorehounds, flattened in order to fulfill “Weapons'” ulterior motives.
A child runs into the night in a scene from "Weapons." (Photo courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures)
Two movies in, Cregger continues to come across as an empty suit, one whose off-putting brand of putting showmanship wields gallows humor and tired scary movie tropes like a shield to avoid becoming truly invested in his characters' plight. As for the film's title, these are not so much weapons as props he moves around to satisfy his basest instincts. I ain't buying what he's selling, and what he's selling is vacuous nonsense.
Cary Christopher as Alex Lilly in a scene from "Weapons." (Photo courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures)
“The Naked Gun”: Is there a more infectious moviegoing pleasure than a gag-a-second spoof when it hits the sweet spot? Gen-Xers like me were fortunate to have a steady stream of these lowbrow delights come out during the 1980s and '90s. We were spoiled enough to take these comedies for granted, their penchant for naughty double entendres and onslaught of not always wholesome sight gags masking an intrinsic innocence. Most were fluffy puppy dogs underneath their uncouth exteriors.
So there's a temptation, with the current dearth of big-screen comedies that manage to connect with audiences, to go easy on a legacy sequel like this jovial follow-up to “The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!” and its two (lesser) sequels. Based on the “Police Squad” series, the 1988 original entry was the brainchild of Jim Abrahams and brothers David and Jerry Zucker, also known as ZAZ. The irreverent trio behind “Kentucky Fried Movie,” “Airplane!” and “Top Secret!” perfected the secret sauce behind making compulsively rewatchable laugh riots with enduring shelf life, all clocking in at under 90 minutes.
Enter Akiva Schaffer. The new film's director/co-screenwriter, a member of the comedy music group The Lonely Island, attempts to harness ZAZ's goofy sensibility, or at the very least a reasonable approximation, and infuse it with the more modern, non-sequitur driven approach to comedy, verbal and physical, from “Family Guy” creator Seth MacFarlane, one of the new film's producers.
Liam Neeson as Frank Drebin Jr. in a scene from "The Naked Gun." (Photo courtesy of Paramount Pictures)
It is a quixotic quest, as it turns out. Schaffer, who made the very funny, Andy Samberg-fronted music biz satire “Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping,” displays a clear affection for the tools in ZAZ's comedic arsenal, but his admiration doesn't quite translate into triggering the prolonged giggle fits that the older films elicited. Take, for instance, the throwaway gags peppered throughout “Airplane!” and the first “Naked Gun,” which take multiple viewings to catch in their entirety. The ones Schaffer comes up with linger on for a couple of seconds to ensure viewers “get it,” thus undermining their appeal as, well, throwaway gags.
Paul Walter Hauser as Ed Hocken Jr. and Liam Neeson as Frank Drebin Jr. in a scene from "The Naked Gun." (Photo courtesy of Paramount Pictures)
It's a shame, because the new “Naked Gun” is headlined by stars who understood the assignment and came in ready to play in this sandbox. Liam Neeson follows in Leslie Nielsen's career-reimagining footsteps as LAPD Police Squad Lt. Frank Drebin Jr. The character has inherited his father's propensity to get into trouble in all kinds of embarrassing ways, much to the chagrin of Chief Davis (CCH Pounder). Putting up with Drebin's occasional (okay, frequent) ineptness is Capt. Ed Hocken Jr. (a largely wasted Paul Walter Hauser), the son of George Kennedy's sidekick character in the original films.
The flimsy plot struggles to kick into gear with the theft of a gadget, called the P. L.O.T. Device (har dee har har) from a bank's safety deposit box. Meanwhile, the death of a software engineer in a car crash brings the victim's sister, Beth Davenport (Pamela Anderson) to Drebin's office. Should he trust this grieving sibling? Or does this sultry femme fatale harbor a hidden agenda?
Neeson is having so much fun sending up his serious actor persona, down to the deadpan “Dragnet”-style voiceover narration, that the film remains bouncy and pert for at least the first third. But I can pinpoint the exact moment it goes slack. An interrogation scene with a bank robbery suspect, played by Busta Rhymes, is rife with potential, but it is brought to a screeching halt by a video montage of Drebin going about his day. What starts out amusingly enough wears out its welcome pretty fast, but Schaffer keeps going and going.
Pamela Anderson as Beth Davenport and Liam Neeson as Frank Drebin Jr. in a scene from "The Naked Gun." (Photo courtesy of Paramount Pictures)
With the exception of a fairly inspired scene featuring Drebin, Davenport and a snowman, “The Naked Gun” never quite regains its footing. There are occasional bright spots, like a dorky running gag involving coffee that brings on the smiles, but to this longtime fan of the franchise, which admittedly started going downhill with the sequels, the laughs are pretty hard to come by here.
Kudos to Schaffer for going beyond the other “Naked Gun” films in his references. In particular, I appreciated the tip of the hat to film noir gems like Billy Wilder's “Double Indemnity” and John Huston's “The Maltese Falcon.” Schaffer went as far as casting Huston's son, Danny Huston, as the film's archvillain. They're pleasant touches, but that's all they are, and at the end of the day, this “Naked Gun” goes limp when it should spring to life. It's skim milk ZAZ, weak-tea absurdism.
“Weapons” is now showing across South Florida, including IMAX engagements at Regal South Beach, AMC Aventura 24, AMC Sunset Place 24, CMX Cinemas Dolphin 19 and the AutoNation IMAX at the Museum of Discovery and Science in downtown Fort Lauderdale. “The Naked Gun” continues its commercial rollout in wide release, including at Regal South Beach, Silverspot Cinema in downtown Miami, CMX Brickell City Centre and The Landmark at Merrick Park.
